Category: wordplay

I think I upset my friend Saeed when I started asking him about Ramadan. All I said was, “What do you do if you don’t know anyone called Dan?”

I saw two council road sweepers getting off with each other in the street last night. I told them to get a broom.

Local headline: March brings city to standstill Your move, April.

My mate is really upset at losing all muscular control of his jaw. I said, ‘Chin up mate’

If Russia invaded Turkey from the rear, would Greece help?

According to reports, Gordon Brown is moving to cut nuclear subs. Wish he’d just leave my lunchtime sandwiches alone and get on with the business of government.

I just found out my girlfriend has a huge collection of bees. She’s a keeper.

I’m being put under an awful lot of pressure by my wife at the moment. She’s 25 stone.

My postman wants to be a standup comedian. He should be ok but he really needs to work on his delivery.

I’ve started putting No More Nails on my fingers because I’m lazy.

I said to my new girlfriend, “I think your dads got it in for me.” She said, “Has he? Thanks Dad, we’ll shout you if it comes back out again.”

I had a discussion with my missus the other night about what my brain looks like. I cant get it out of my head.

Trying to find evidence that a farmer is a drug addict is like trying to find a needle in a hay stack.

“Doctor, I can’t stop shouting Booyacashew!” “That sounds like a nut Ali G”

I’m enjoying being a Kleptomaniac so much that sometimes I have to pinch myself.