Category: wordplay

Erectile dysfunction; just when you thought it couldn’t get any harder.

I’ve just got a nice little part-time job at the local funeral home…. I only work mournings.

I saw Mr T getting on a baby horse. I pity the foal.

I’ve started dating Little Red Riding Hood’s gran. She’s an animal in bed.

At auditions, actors are often told to “Break a leg”. I suppose that’s one way of getting in the cast.

Cuba: It’s a pro-Castro nation.

I went to an unusual restaurant the other day where all the food was moulded into spherical objects. I had a ball.

The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation. Wow. Talk about a stiff penalty. I really don’t like their penal system over there.

My goal before the end of next month is to fix my camera Now that’s something to focus on.

I don’t quite understand the concept of being the last person on earth? Am I the only one?!

Cops pulled me over and arrested me for the crack in my windscreen. I always forget to hide my drugs in the glove compartment.

Philistine: A person lacking in or hostile to culture. How can an entire civilisation lack culture?

I started a football team 2 years ago called ‘The Champions’, but we haven’t won a game yet, and I’m sick of all the other teams running around at the end singing ‘we beat the champions.’ I think I’m going to change our name to, ‘Off Constantly.’

I filled my tank up with petrol this morning. Now all the goldfish are dead.

I think my “Best of Womack and Womack” CD is possessed by a spirit. Every time I play it I hear footsteps.