Category: wordplay

I’m not anti-lost, I’m just profound

Being a river inspector i intend to go mainstream

Standing outside my house earlier and every sixty seconds a heavy cast iron disk went rolling past me. I thought… “weight a minute…”

I sometimes wish I was a wizard, if only for a spell.

My indicators are on the blink…

The tips of my feet have been asleep for weeks, I’m really worried about them. I think they’re coma toes.

My wife said she fancies a night on the tiles. So Ive sent her up onto the roof to adjust the TV aerial.

My new bulimia charity campaign has been quite successful. I’ve received a lot of feedback.

I asked my Italian friend which part of Scotland Elgin is in? He said thats a’Moray.

I was talking to this guy at the gym about push-ups. “How many reps would you usually do?” he asked. “A million,” I rep lied.

I know someone who has limbs out of place and kills children for pleasure. He is a twisted man.

Me and my internet girlfriend broke up. We lost our connection.

I’m selling a book on undercover surveillance on eBay. I don’t have any watchers yet. Or do I??

As I dropped off my girlfriend at her house she asked me how I thought our date was. “I’ve had a wonderful evening. This wasn’t it.”

I told my mate a joke about The Red Arrows. He didn’t get it. Went completely over his head.