Category: wordplay

What do you call a fake phone? A phoney.

I challenged a black man to a rap battle, he said I could never beat him at his own game. So I took a stab at it.

This is the fifth time this week that I’ve skydived into a bakery. I’m on a roll.

My wife sent me shopping earlier, and told me to pick up the bear essentials. I didn’t even know that we had one, but I did as she asked, and picked up a large jar of honey.

Bubble wrap: 3% Protecting belongings. 97% Stress relief.

My mate told me the other day that he wanted to change career. I told him that’s completely unrealistic, it’s a military dictatorship run by a ruthless leader and has been for decades.

My wife tried to observe a minute’s silence this morning, but I couldn’t see it happening.

SKY NEWS: Explosion at veterinary clinic. It’s been raining cats and dogs ever since.

My wife is looking very red from the sun this morning. I rolled it up and beat her half to death with it.

I’m currently measuring the length of the equator in centimetres. I’m going to rule the world.

People who are interested in flower pressing should take a leaf out of my book.

When I told my friends I wanted to start a business selling small pieces of metal, they gave me some flak.

Elitism. It’s not for everybody.

I don’t know why everybody is so concerned about the wind. It will all blow over soon.

My wife has gone off in the arms of another man. In hindsight, I probably should have put them in the freezer after stabbing them to death, rather than just leaving their bodies lying on the bed to fester.