Category: wordplay

A woman kept bugging me in town to buy some singing lessons. I have to admit, She had an impressive pitch.

Due to the cutbacks, I was made redundant from teaching at the deaf school. The irony is, I still sign on Thursday.

My house is 2 stories high. It used to be 3……. but thats another story!

I was walking into my local pub, when I suddenly realised it was darts night. So I did a 180 and left.

Poverty is a Big Issue

Disemboweling somebody takes a lot of guts.

They say honesty is the best policy. To be honest I don’t agree

Rare white tiger kills zoo keeper… That’s why I prefer my tigers medium to well done..

What’s cancer and chavs got in common? They both belong in the cells.

My wife turned 39 today, so I gave her a card. One more and she’s off.

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

I went up to a woman and said, “Play your cards right and you could be taking me home tonight”. She said, “Look mate, you have to book the taxi just like everyone else”.

My computer lets me save up to a dozen videos of musical concerts. It has a 12 gig memory

I find it really hard to hold my beer, especially in the winter. I think it’s the mittens.

I want my horse’s funeral to be appropriately grandiose. Does anyone know how to contact the Archbishop of Canter Bury?