Category: wordplay

I have a terrible fear of washing lines. When I saw my wife had put one up in the garden, I just pegged it.

I was struggling with the idea of how to get our bedroom a bit brighter. Then I had a light bulb moment.

I’ve been trying to wash myself with a bar of soap for the past week but it’s getting out of hand.

I went to a West End show with my family last week. The underground is so crowded in London, you have to jump out when you can. My dad and brother squeezed out first, then I saw an opportunity, so I got off with my Mum. People looked at us a bit strangely, but we […]

My daughter is a university student at Harvard in America, but she said she wants to swim for Great Britain. “I know it’s bad honey,” I said on the phone to her, “But that is over 3000 miles of open water.”

“Dad, I’m pregnant”. “What! Don’t you have any scruples?” “Yes, but I forgot to take them”.

My girlfriend wants to kill herself but she’s too lazy to do it. Sue is idle.

I saw a man dressed as a Tesco worker drowning today so I threw him a cork. Every little helps.

phoned my boss to tell him i would not be working today as i have a problem with my my eyes. “conjunctivitis?” my boss asked me “no” i replied “I just can’t see my self working”

I saw an angry insect sitting on my french pastry. It was a Croissant.

After abolition of the slave trade it meant that there was no more monkey buisnes.

I want my son to be a successful comic when he’s older. So I named him Marvel.

There is not a single pub in my town that allows trainers in after 8pm. No wonder all the staff at my local gym look so miserable.

“Did you hear about the American Surgeon who specialises in key hole surgery?” “He trained at Yale”

I’ve just broke up with Annie lennox after 20 years She just kept asking why?