Category: wordplay

My mate died of Aids after being sucked off by an African. It was a fatal blow.

My blind mate just finished reading a book. He said it was brailliant.

I’m going to make a comic strip. I’ll break into Jimmy Carr’s dressing room and force him to take off his clothes.

As I pulled my wife’s knickers off last night, I thought … I must stop giving hand jobs to articles of clothing.

I got into the World Championship fencing team; we can put up four in ten minutes.

I was shopping online on my lunch break at work the other day. I went to Ikea’s website, and ordered the ‘Lack’ furniture series. When I got home, my house had been burgled.

I dialled a wrong number today. I desperately needed an ambulance as my wife had collapsed but instead I rang Babestation.

I think it’s time to try my hand at fisting.

Tom Cruise insulted me, so I made fun of his height. Minority Retort.

I threw some acid into my wifes face today… You should have seen the reaction.

I’ve been hitting the weights at the gym. It would be easier to lift them really.

“Ninja” isn’t in my phone’s predictive text. How ironic.

I have a terrible problem with insomnia. I can’t sleep because my neighbour keeps playing Faithless’ Greatest Hits until four in the morning.

My friend asked me last night if I liked hanging from the ceiling, spinning round. I replied, ‘I’m not a fan.’

I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley. She said ‘Tenpin?’ I said, ‘No, permanent.’