Category: wordplay

My dollar-forging business has failed. It made no cents.

I was throwing rice at an Indian wedding and accidentally started a pilau fight.

I once knew a dwarf who worked in the Police Force. His nickname was laptop. He was a small PC.

My mum managed to beat Cancer when I was born. She gave birth to me on July the 23rd, making me a Leo.

Imagine a world where everyone constantly thought up elaborate fictional situations and discussed them as if they were real. Hypothetically speaking of course.

I can read a book in under a second. After all,it’s only two words.

I don’t know how people manage to be married to their jobs. I can’t even manage a civil partnership with mine.

I was asked to be a speaker at a charity event next weekend. I’ve just finished painting a giant cardboard box black for my costume.

Never thought I’d be saying ‘James Morrison, What a hit!’

I went to Citizens Advice last week and asked a woman if I could have some information on homelessness. “Be my guest” she replied. I’ve been living in her office ever since.

Clarence and Billy were going for a jog in Alabama. “Which route should we take today Clarence?” “Im not sure, if possible I’d like to avoid a hill Billy.” “Then maybe you should move to a different state.”

I’ve just thought, how are Norwegian mediums planning to contact all the people who died in the Oslo bomb attack and the shooting? Are they going to use a ‘wegie board?

I just put some batteries on charge. I think they are revolting.

I ran into an old flame today… Singed my eyebrows.

I find attacking strikers in football very offensive.