Category: wordplay

I can’t understand why my local pub has put a ban on aquatic mammals? It serves no porpoise.

“Let’s order some Chinese.” “To do what?”

Moat lost his game of Russian raoulette.

My mate works for a mail order puppet company. He can pack a Punch.

My wife’s leaving me because of my obsession with elephants. I don’t care, I’m even helping to pack her trunk.

My friend and I are seeing who can choke them self with a power cable for the longest. He’s still in the lead.

Necessity is the mother of invention. But who’s the father? Find out on Jeremy Kyle tomorrow!

I started a new job yesterday, and decided to hit the ground running. As I eagerly rushed into the building, I tripped over the step and broke my nose.

I’m still not sure how I feel about that Poets and Criminals club meeting. It had some prose and cons.

Just killed some flat round fish with a sharp tail and had his eyes transplanted in my eye sockets. My ex-ray vision is brilliant.

Protesters at the G20 were holding up huge signs saying ‘Capitalism Isn’t Working’. A friend of mine turned to me and said, “Surely that’s wrong. Surely ‘Capitalism Is Working’.”

I recently found a round, black piece of plastic, with a hole in the middle and grooves on both sides. I picked it up and threw it. It flew for more than 300 yards. I’m sure that must have been a record.

My Venus fly trap eats anything from plastic to tin and turns it into toys. It’s a recycling plant.

Rambling. Jewellery for sheep.

I was building a really scary house the other day. I was literally bricking it.