Category: wordplay

Jimmy: “Can I ask you a question?” Ted: “Sure, what is it?” Jimmy: “It’s an interrogative statement, used to test knowledge.”

I ran into an old friend earlier. He asked, “How are you keeping?” I said, “Not to bad mate, I saved a penalty the other day.”

I have a big book that I like to keep a record of all my children’s milestones in . But marking their height on the doorframe , that’s where I draw the line .

What’s the difference between a circus act and some lap dancers? One’s a cunning array of stunts…

What did one plate say to the other plate? Lunch is on me!

I’m having trouble keeping my hands warm with fingerless gloves… Any tips?

if my cat does a fart, does that still count as a queef?

I like my girls with nothing on but the hoover.

From the BBC Website: WHO warns against homeopathy use ….. It’s funny I thought Dr Who was a homeo.

I was filling in my form the other day but ended up going out and getting drunk instead – think I must have taken leave of my census.

I just heard my mate Oedipus swearing at some children. “And you kiss your mother with that mouth?”, I shouted.

I was shocked when I found out that my new girlfriend is a hooker. She looks like more of a scrum half.

Hairy nipples? Should’ve gone to Pec Shavers

I was going to donate all my savings to the Homeless, But i didn’t have an address to send the cheque to.

I don’t see why everyone’s going crazy over a jubilee. I always hated her in X-Men.