Category: wordplay

Today at work I stood up in front of all my colleagues and said “an occupation or profession, especially one requiring special training, followed as one’s lifework”. It was a career defining moment.

German mathematicians think about sechs every 10 seconds.

Noise, the silent killer.

With his exams coming up my son was told to stop burying his head in the sand. “That’s no way to treat a teacher.” The police told him.

My grandad is going to court to fight to keep his allotment, he thinks he will win the case , personally i think he’s lost the plot.

Rumour has it that Sir Patrick Moore favours Wife Beater as his preferred lager of choice. He’s interstellar.

Had some road rage today. I was driving into a circus carpark and some clown cut me up.

I’ve just watched a TV show called ‘For the Weekend’. It was good, but it was missing Something.

Just got back from my first day at work as an exam invigilator at an all girls school. To be honest with you, i found it was pretty testing….

It came as no surprise when the security guard at the amputation clinic was unarmed today.

“I might become a window cleaner,” my wife said hilariously. “I’ve just found a ladder in my tights!” “You should, dear,” I replied. “You’ve already got a bucket in your knickers.”

BBC News: Somalis guilty of US ship attack. Be more specific, how many Ali’s was it?

I just made some new brake pads for my bike out of strips of dried and seasoned beef. Stops the bike fine, bit jerky though.

I’m in big trouble with the RSPCA after I uploaded my video version of “Whip my Hare” onto You Tube.

I’m terrible at music – I thought a metronome was a midget on a Paris tube train.