Category: wordplay

Incest: generally relative, but not always apparent.

I just can’t understand some people…. Foreigners mainly.

My best mate never carries money or cash cards… I suppose you’ve got to give him credit.

I went to a talent show the other night. The best act of the evening was VD. He got 95 on the clapometer.

I’ve heard it said by women that us men keep our brains in our pants….. Well,women blow my mind.

Due to a factory error, my phone now has a colander instead of a calendar. It really drains the battery.

I don’t see the point in blunt pencils.

I started a fight with a black man the other day by giving him some racist abuse. “Do you want to take this to court?” He asked. “No mate, I’m better at offending people than playing tennis” I replied.

The reason the Italian manager has resigned is because he refused to suck up to the FA when expected. That’ll be the Capello reaction.

My wife has a fetish for the knights from Monty Python. They make her go weak at the Ni’s.

My wife’s fed up. Hanging from a tree, she has to eat somehow.

Maths teachers have got a lot of problems.

A friend asked me if I’d ever won anything. I replied “Me, I couldn’t win an argument!” But, in the end, he convinced me that I could.

The boss caught me stealing car parts at work. I got the boot.

I was out driving with my dog yesterday, when I thought to myself; “Nah, you really don’t get the same range you do with an actual golf club.”