Category: wordplay

I took my blind girlfriend to see one of those old, silent comedy films the other day, just as a joke. She didn’t see the humour in it.

One day, a man was considering his life and said, ‘i wish i could help people’. After much deliberation he decides to run for local parliament. Unexpectedly, he wins in a landslide victory. After a week on the job he has completely eradicated unemployment. He has decreased crime by 80% and improved the standard of […]

My job keeps me really busy. I work in a church and I’m always slightly changing things. I’m an alter boy.

My fingernails are getting out of hand.

Greenfly have been at my tomatoes again. It amazes me how they get the fridge door open.

I’m fed-up of people saying that I have a Jewish persons nose. I’m never showing anyone my war memorabilia again.

This old woman came up to me today and said “Can you see me across the road?” I said. “Hang on, I’ll run over and have a look.”

FoxNews – Powerful bombings rock Afghan city of Kandahar. I hope they come to britain, sounds like an awesome band.

A lady knocked on my door earlier today and asked me if I was interested in donating 3 a month to help people without index fingers. What a pointless charity.

I took my wife to a fancy restaurant for dinner. Afterwards as we waited for the bill she said, “That waiter was really polite and helpful. You should leave a tip for him.” So I spilled my coffee on the tablecloth and threw a few biscuits around.

There’s so many jokes about coats! Jacket in right this instant.

Dear Editor I find you’re headline “E.Coli is a danger to children” very misleading, please do something about this. Your’s faithfully Edward Coli

My dad came very close to becoming President of the USA. He was an undertaker in the army. Barrack Embalmer.

I’m dating this fit bird at the moment. She may be ninety eight but she can run a marathon.

I’ve had my hopes of learning morse code dashed.