Category: wordplay

Just read a book called PTO. Its a real page turner.

My grandma had a nasty trip last week. Thought she was being eaten by a purple unicorn.

I thought I’d take an American citizenship test before to see how well I’d do, and it was quite easy really. The first part of it was just saying how many stars and stripes were in the flag… And the rest was history.

So you don’t actually want me to explain to you the meaning of the word masturbation? Ok. Please yourself.

I have a chameleon skin jacket. I like it because it goes with everything.

I was serving dinner to an aardvark. I asked him if he would like anything else to eat. He replied “No, I’ve had enough” I said “Are you sure? Is that you’re final ant sir?”

Grab your goat, Ewe’ve pulled.

My wife demanded that I go hang the washing out. So I clotheslined her.

I’ve just lost my ice sculpture business. It went into liquidation.

I hear Boris Johnson wants to rise public transport fares again. So that’s what I get for paying my taxi’s.

Yesterday a little blue man with a red hat and a grey beard was mouthing off at me. I pulled my gun on him and decided to Pop a Smurf.

My girlfriend likes to buy unusual presents for birthdays and xmas. This year for my birthday she bought me a lamp post… ‘it will brighten up peoples’ lifes’ she said its right up my street

I recently bought a Chinese Television. It was called Terry.

I’ve got a dark skinned buddy named Barry down at work. He helps with my schedule etc. I call him my Black Barry

Despite smoking large amounts of marijuana, I’ve managed to get a job at a bakery. Apparently, it’s due to the fact I wake and bake on a regular basis.