Category: wordplay

I was in a band called ‘Screw Cap’. You may have seen us on Top of the Pops.

I asked my wife if she wanted to play a board game As I handed her the ironing board.

My mates were all calling me up trying to get me to go down the pub with them but my girlfriend wanted me to stay in with her. In the end I gave in to the beer group pressure.

I know someone who named their son Dictionary. His first word was “aardvark”.

I heard the bomb found on the plane in the UK was placed inside an ink cartridge. the explosion could have been Ink-redible.

Sky News: OAP used RAF move to stop Robber. He must have flown at him.

Baseball. It’s just not cricket.

Yahoo:’Skier cheats death in fall’. It’s probably because it’s safer to ski in winter.

People that start revolutions are just going around in circles.

Our wheelie bin didn’t get emptied today because of the snow. Perhaps I may have put a little too much snow in it.

I was recently put in prison for murder, I was really bored but its ok now because I’ve made bail, Its amazing what you can do with a D.I.Y kit, when behind bars.

I’ve just eaten a yogurt that correctly guesses your time and cause of death. It was a Muller Coroner…

The police turned up and arrested my next door neighbour for hacking yesterday. He doesn’t even own a computer. They found 4 bodies and an axe in the garage though…

My mate burst in and shouted “Help me! If I start acting in a wacky manner, this collar around my neck will explode” I said “Don’t be silly”

I turned up at my mates house earlier and said that I needed a place to crash. Fortunately, he agreed. So I walked off, got in my car, and drove full speed at the front door.