Category: wordplay

I have a tendency just to move sideways after I’ve woken up. I’m usually a bit crabby in the morning.

My grandfather died taking a grenade for the Queen. He was shot by security as he brought it in.

I was checking out a mobile phone the other day, when I thought to myself… My standards have REALLY dropped…

My girlfriend is temperamental. That’s 50% temper and 50% mental.

Put a man in a room of females and it’s a man among women. Add a downy and it becomes a man, a mong, women.

I had a continental breakfast this morning. Tyres taste disgusting.

I was on my way to work this morning when I saw a pheasant, a grouse and a partridge all dressed up as clowns. I thought to myself, “They’re game for a laugh.”

I could never be a Buddhist, I’m a little zenophobic.

I heard that chickens actually descended from dinosaurs. They must’ve had fun sliding down its tail.

My wife left me because of my obsession with fishing, She’ll always be the one that got away……………..

Got stuck for hours today in a hall of mirrors. I was beside myself with worry.

I just bought a new underscore key for my laptop. I got it for next to nothing.

I was sacked from my role in Oliver Twist for refusing to stick to the script. Need I say more?

I was the teacher’s pet when I was at school. She couldn’t afford a dog.

BBC NEWS: “Camerons visit late son’s school” Little harsh of the school calling up Mr Cameron about his son being late into school considering he died last year.