Category: wordplay

When my girlfriend found a lump whilst examining herself I insisted on paying for her to go private and have it removed that very same day. It’s a big expense now, but in the long run it’s cheaper than paying maintenance.

Policeman 1: I see a black man! Policeman 2: IC3? Policeman 1: Really? Two of them must be really dark then

What’s Swedish, cheap and entered by countless people every year? Ulrika Jonsson.

I love geography, I’m Hungary for a Korea in it.

My grandma has taken to wearing a red cloak, eating porridge & climbing beanstalks. She’s quite a character..

I was thinking of getting a tattoo on my palm On the other hand I might not bother.

My dad took me to a museum for vintage mechanical toys. It was such a wind up.

Who says 2 negatives don’t make a positive? What about “Don’t stop”

As my wife put electric wires onto my nipples i suddenly realised… Love Hertz

My mate said he was going to show me something really strange and unusual. He handed me a part of a fishing rod. I said, “What’s unusual about that?” He replied, “Surreal…”

A bat has just flown in through my window. Never did get on with the cricket ground next door.

If there’s one thing I learned in school, it’s to never judge a crook by his colour

A man wakes up on a deserted island only to find that the sun, sand and sea are all purple. He cried: “Oh no, I’ve been marooned!”

Credit card companies keep sending me letters encouraging me to become a tightrope walker. Apparently I have outstanding balance.

There was loads of coppers at my local church yesterday. I wish people would give more generously.