Category: wordplay

I hate the way pillow & duvet salesmen talk down to you.

My wife left me because my obsession with handing out food. “Look that’s seven chocolates you’ve given out, when will you stop?” “After Eight?”

I broke the law yesterday. Now everyone is free to do what they want

BBC News: Police hunt fees demo ‘criminals’ Have they bothered to check the Houses of Parliament yet?

Police searching for a missing child heard heavy breathing coming from a parked van. But, when they looked, it was just a kid napping.

I gave a satisfied sigh as I watched my wife clear the table. Although I think the local pool hall are beginning to suspect she might be a hustler.

Do Americanisms lose something and sound less cool when you use them in England? Well, that’s the 652,848 question.

I got sacked for being stout. Now I’m bitter.

My wife said, “I think you should book us a wood cottage in the French Alps.” I said, “Chalet?”

I have no beef with vegetarians.

What’s the difference between a virgin and a Virgin train? A Virgin train is not gonna come early.

My bread was in the toaster too long today and it got burnt, and I couldn’t eat it… I’m black toast intolerant.

These are strange times. Eighty past four, half past fifty, ten to carrot.

Being deaf sucks. So I hear.

Cleanliness is next to godliness, which must mean I’m an ethnic deity.