Category: wordplay

I just got back from my interview at the gynecology department. I didn’t go down well.

Fifty pence pieces. Now you don’t get many of them to the pound.

“I hide mine in the fridge.” Hardly the most secretive place to put a muller rice is it?

I came in from work earlier to see my son crying on the stairs in hysterics. “What’s wrong matey?” I asked him. “Daddy, I’m having trouble with the girls at school!” he cried. I thought it was time…I gave him the inevitable talk about ‘the birds and the bees’ and he sat there and listened. […]

A new Muslim version of Playboy is being published. The model for the centrefold has just been unveiled.

When I worked at the morgue we sometimes used to gamble for body parts. It was all fun and games until somebody lost an eye.

I asked this Australian bloke how far away I was from Queensland. He replied, “It’s twenty clicks away, mate.” Things must be bad if they’ve started speaking dolphin.

I need more money. My net income doesn’t pay for my gross habits.

I was up in the loft today and found my grandad’s old wig weaving machine. It’s a family hair loom.

i’d give my first born to not get my wife pregnant

I don’t really know how to say thsi…

Drank too much the other night; I had more shots than an Arizonian gunman.

Square: ‘Why do you only have one round edge?’ Circle: ‘That’s how I roll.’

I smoked a joint today. My wife needs a new elbow now.

I was invited to a red carpet premier last night. My ginger girlfriend wanted me to lick her out for the first time.