Category: wordplay

My doctor tells me I have a masturbation problem. But i’m determined to beat it.. .

I told a joke about Nearly Headless Nick earlier, but the execution was poor.

My wife told me to get her something hot and steamy she can use in the bedroom for Christmas. What she wants with another iron is anybody’s guess.

I just bought a book that narrates the life of a car from the viewpoint of the car itself. Good autobiography.

I’m starting to wish I’d ordered my blow up doll with more than just a mouth orifice. She’s completely infellatable.

My friend just had a go at me for not letting him finish his sentence. That’s the last time I help someone break out of prison.

Got sent to hospital for treatment for my Narcissism. I checked myself out.

The girlfriend and I were spooning the other day when she suggested trying something different. Apparently knifing her wasn’t what she meant.

All of my pokemon cards were destroyed in a fire… I only have ash now.

Love and hate are very close together in my book. Mind you, I do own one of the world’s most sternly abridged English dictionaries.

I once tried to mug this guy for his Rubik’s cube. But he just blanked me and continued playing with it. I shouted, “Let’s not make this any harder than it already is!”

I had a dream about Martin luther king last night. Isnt that ironic.

Fire exits aren’t very popular anymore. They’re on the way out.

I’ve started dating a young female photographer. Its early days yet so let’s see what develops.

I went to a phone shop to buy a new phone but ended up leaving with an African Chuckle Brother. I think they must have thought I’d asked for a BlackBarry.