Category: wordplay

I asked my mate from Belfast why he didn’t like currants. He said, “Ah, no good raisin.”

Animal puns are not funny in any neigh, sheep or farm.

I spent all of last week trying to trace my father. I didn’t succeed though. I couldn’t find a piece of paper big enough

What have a car and a naked woman at Glastonbury got in common? Mudflaps.

I’ve just had a really bad case of Heat stroke. My wife will be livid, she hasn’t even read it yet.

Let me tell you the joke about the dress that didn’t fit. It won’t take long, I shortened it.

My son isn’t going to school today because of the striking We’re going to let his bruises fade a bit first

I pulled a muscle the other night when I though to myself, “I seriously need to stop dating sea creatures!”

Being reincarnated as a female deer was not my best moment, in hind sight.

This joke was written while I was in Paris. She kept telling me to turn the laptop off though.

I went to watch the new movie “Little Children” at the cinema today. I changed my facebook status to “Brb Watching Little Children”. Didn’t go down too well.

As a typical Mac user. I don’t get wet when it rains.

This bloke kept throwing bits of his mouth at me. In the end I said: “That’s enough of your lip!”

My girlfriend dumped me to pursue her dream of being a landscape gardener She promised me the Earth

I had a milkybar earlier. Yeah, the milk had been in my fridge for so long, it just sort of solidified.