Category: wordplay

My wireless internet recently got kidnapped We had a strong connection but I have no lead to go on

I met a black man today. He said to me his name was Martin Luther King. ‘Really’? I asked ‘No I’m only Joe King’

A question in a maths exam. Q: Mark and mary are both surveying a set population of 1000 people to find their favourite colours. Mark surveys 100 people while mary surveys 50. Mark claims that his results are more reliable then Mary’s. Why is this? A: Because mark is a man.

My mum gave birth to me by C-section so my father could see me before leaving for the Falklands. People always say I was cut out for the military.

I was renting my house from a family of herbs, I missed a few payments and they sent the bay leafs round.

Haemophiliacs; they’re bleedin’ all over the place!

My new book on hostages will be released next week.

There was this group on Facebook called ‘Help the children in Africa who are suffering from the heat’. So I became a fan.

It looks like all those News of the World readers are going to have to get with The Times.

I always tell my wife to wear at least 10 pairs of knickers when going out. She’s been well briefed.

I got chucked off the set of Dragons Den yesterday. It would appear a real life version of the popular computer game “Minesweeper” is more dangerous then first thought.

At a wedding yesterday, I was reminded of a party I went to as a child… That was an awful costume…

I bought a rubber stamp today. Now I just need to decide where to send my rubber.

My job is to test strong painkillers orally. All in a daze work.

They’ve put up a set of monkey bars in my local park. I think it was a poor decision on the part of the local council. Children keep getting harrased by drunk monkeys now.