Category: wordplay

Yesterday I shot a little girl, held her under water for 5 minutes then hung her. I love the euphemisms of being a photographer.

BBC NEWS: Ex-player Parks at top of Everest. Obviously played for a ladies team.

Dieting is wishful shrinking.

I told the Inland Revenue I didn’t owe them a penny because I lived near the seaside.

I got an answering machine today but I think it’s broken. I’ve asked it loads of questions and nothing’s happening.

The butcher in our town has been there for thirty-eight years. He is known as the master butcher. The blacksmith has been there for six generations. He is known as the master blacksmith. The baker has been baking bread all his life. He wants to be known as ”John”.

I was in town today when a local copper started shooting at ethnic minorities… That’s PC gone mad.

I went home the other day to find my girlfriend sprinkiing salt over her head . . . The next day I found her trying to roast herself in the over . . . She’s nuts that girl

I asked an army man for advice, but he was too general.

I would tell you why my new book has 5000 chapters but it’s a long story.

I think that my daughter is becoming sick. She just doesn’t seem to be settling well in my stomach.

I took this Chinese girl home last night called tien tee She was dynamite in the bedroom

My wife says I’m a real cracker in the bedroom. A quick tug, a little bang and joke that no one laughs at.

I live in a really small village where everybody suffers terribly with head lice.. It’s a close nit community.

My dad’s cement business is on the skids. I told him he should sell it before he goes bankrupt. He won’t though. He’s too set in his ways.