Category: transport

I’ve just bought an old fashioned bicycle. It’s very well-spoken.

I did my bit for the environment today. Which sounds a lot better than saying “I failed my driving test.”

I hate taxi drivers They always take people for a ride.

Just backed into a Jaguar but I left him a note on my bank statement so he knows not to bother calling

I’ve been stuck in traffic for so long even the sat nav is asking “Are we there yet?”

What do you say to a one legged hitch-hiker? Hop in.

The train dropped me off right outside my house today. I’m going to pull the emergency handle more often in the future.

Police officer to cadet. “It’s difficult to spot the difference between a male drunk driver and a regular woman driver. My tip is to wait till they park. If they manage to park on the second attemp then it’s a drunk, any more than that then it’s a woman”.

My wife’s driving me up the wall at the moment. No, really, she mounted the pavement and we smashed into the side of the local Co-Op.

Technically, there’d only ever need to be 1 time-traveller’s convention…

I went to a hotel the other day. I like the way they leave little notes in the room, like on the dressing gown: ‘if you like this dressing gown, you can purchase one at the reception desk.’ I like to leave messages back: ‘if you want people to buy these dressing gowns, don’t leave […]

ATTENTION: Tonight I will attempt to travel back in time and change history. You’ll know I’ve succeeded if Germany loses world war II and Wednesday comes after Tuesday.

John goes to work painting white lines on the motorway with a tin of paint and a brush, after the first day he accomplishes 4 mile… later that day his boss congratulates him. The next day John paints 2 mile of white lines… so his boss said, “yeh thats acceptable.” On the third day he […]

When I was older, I used to love playing around with time machines.

I would just like to say a big thank-you to all those wonderful young people who stand on motorway slip roads holding up boards telling us motorists where they lead to.