Category: transport

The other day I made my car completely theft proof. I slapped a Toyota badge on it.

Just as the train was pulling into London, I pulled the emergency brake and announced that I had a bomb. After the court costs and the hefty fine, it still worked out cheaper than buying a ticket.

Difficult day at work today… Got in big trouble for having a wee drink on the job and lacking in productivity. In my defence, another fire engine was only five minutes behind…

At the end of the night I dropped a girl off at her house and thought I’d try my luck. “Aren’t you going to invite me in for a cup of tea?” I asked. “Of course I’m not!” she shouted, getting out of my taxi.

I just flew into Liverpool and I don’t know who robbed me more; Ryanair or the Scousers on the plane.

I couldn’t believe it when my girlfriend ditched me yesterday. I knew it was a bad idea giving her driving lessons.

Time Travelers: Only 93 days till last Christmas.

I was very surprised to find out this morning that my train was going to arrive on time for the first time in months, So I eased up on the speed & pulled into the station 20 minutes late.

What’s black, usually big, kills people, police are always on it and I just love to run over it with my car? A road.

I escaped from several near death experiences today. I declined a lift from my wife and got a taxi.

A man goes for an interview as a bus driver. When he gets there, the interviewer says, “You’re 45 minutes late! The job’s yours.”

Like most sickipedians, I don’t need a sat-nav to tell me to repeatedly drive up and down the high street on a warm sunny day.

ITN News: Plane leaves runway at Newcastle Airport. You’d certainly hope so, how else was it going to reach its destination, by road?

Just heard a message over the tannoy on the train saying leaving my personal belongings will end up with them being taking and destroyed. So, I am going to kidnap Bono and stuff him in a bag and leave it on a train. Fingers crossed!

BBC News : ‘House car crash victim is named’ I told the wife she’s not allowed to leave the kitchen, but she insisted on learning to drive.