Category: stupid

Last night I was chatting up a woman in a club. I said to her, “I’m about 9 inches when I’m hard.” “Yeah right” she laughed, “Prove it.” So I punched some random bloke in the face and then quickly hid in her handbag.

Every time I get a pain in my chest, my wife says I look exactly like Neil Buchanan. Must be an art attack.

Hey, I’m air-con, kinda like Akon, but cooler..

I’m completely rubbish with names. Just ask my children, Radish, Moon and Toilet.

Me and my mates have just been bowling at the UK’s largest bowling alley. The channel tunnel train network was thrown in to chaos.

Don’t fancy the new gastro pub that’s just opened near us. Think the name, “Entiritis” is putting me off.

I’m a year 4 science teacher and this morning I asked my pupils how to distinguish the difference between a diode and an anode, and the process in which they were used. Then I realised it was pointless asking them; eyes can’t talk.

Accusations that I let my wife dictate too much of my life are way wide of the mark. I’ve been my own master from the moment she said “he does”.

If Cupid ever got married, he really would be shooting himself in the foot.

My wife is easily led… So I’ve bought her a couple of lemmings for her birthday.

You smell so bad, you make Right Guard turn left.

My mates keep saying that the bird I pulled last night was really ugly, but personally I just think they’re jealous. I’d like to see them try and pull a woman with bright white hair & long brown curly teeth.

BBC News – Brotherhood ‘to join Egypt talks’ I didn’t know Ezio Auditore had an interest in politics

I joined 3 golf clubs today. Now I can practice my putting in the garden from the upstairs bedroom window.

I’ve just landed a duty free job at Heathrow airport I can’t believe I’m going to get paid for doing nothing.