Category: stupid

I thought it’d be a great idea to buy my hamster some dumbbells, but it didn’t work out.

I suck at blowing up balloons… That’s probably why I can’t do it.

I think I must have a brilliant memory. I don’t think I’ve ever forgotten anything. Well, if I have, I don’t remember.

I was just about to buy a new roll of black-bin bags, then thought, what’s the point? All I seem to do is throw them away.

When I was younger my parents kept saying I was going nowhere in life. I sure showed them when I served them chips at McDonalds.

My girlfriend introduced me to her pregnant friend last night. She said, “Marc, doesn’t she look big for 6 months?” I said, “Blimey yeah, She looks at least in her 20’s”.

Don’t be fooled with that Natwest advert offering you emergency cash if you lose your cash card. Happened to me last night and after several calls they threatened to get the police onto me. Apparently you have to have an account there.

I genuinely saw this sign on a building today: “1st December 2009 – WORLD AIDS DAY. Free information and advice on AIDS and HIV Come inside.”

Royal Mail workers vote in favour of holding a national strike, I say we all write a letter in to complain.

When homeless people dance at raves, do they do big fish, little fish, two bed semi ?

I hate it when people post messages like, “This has been the worst day ever. I feel so lonely at the moment. I wish I was dead”. Now I don’t even open letters from my Gran. They go straight in the bin.

I just walked into a pub on my lunch break and I saw a sign saying ‘We do sandwiches for just 2.95 Ask Our Bar Staff!’ I thought to myself, “No it’s okay, I believe you.”

Infant ‘was buried without brain’, inquest hears. That happened to Jade Goody too.

Whenever I dance around in my living room wearing a nappy, holding my cat and smoking a cigar, my neighbour stares at me through the window. I think he must be a bit of a weirdo.

Every Christmas my wife decorates the house, and on the first of January I take it all down. You should see her face when she finds all the wall paper on the floor.