Category: stupid

Me and my mate played a game of Russian Roulette last night, but instead of using a gun we used a tool-box. I hammered him.

I had a problem with my card the other day, so I decided to ring the bank about it. Apparently, they don’t care if the Birthday message is spelled wrong.

I Forgot my gloves. Now I gotta walk around like I’m devising an evil plan.

I used to sniff glue, but now I find it tacky

Like most REAL men I love beer and sports. In fact it was just the other day I was drinking my can of draught while watching the big football game and admiring my new pair of snooker boots.

Where does a Yorkshireman buy his chewy from? eBay Gum.

Smartphone app hails taxis from comfort of home, Like A phone then.

I walked into a rather intimidating Dragons Den the other day. It sneezed and burnt my eyebrows off.

I’ve just bought a pack of Brownies at auction for 500 – nearly half the guide price.

I asked my teenage daughter what was her main goal in life. She said “I’d really like to go through a whole tube of chapstick before losing it.”

Why do we need to return to the moon anyway? It’s not like we’re running low on cheese.

Just had my first ever fortune cookie. Tasted awesome, taste better if they wouldn’t put paper in them though.

My cat died today in a microwave-related incident. He ate my popcorn.

I have heard the Pentagon play a pretty good game of 5 a side football.

I have unbelievable luck in restaurants. Whenever I sit down at a dirty table I always find loads of money.