Category: stupid

I love my new job as a bingo caller at the local homeless shelter. Whenever someone shouts, “House” I always reply, “No. You haven’t.”

A man who was riding his bike, with no hands on a busy road seemed to have no fear Of looking like a complete bell-end.

What happened when Paul and Barry’s cheap condoms split? They both had a little chuckle.

i started my new job as a lumberjack this morning. the boss must have took an immediate dislike towards me as id only been there two minutes before he gave me the axe.

I used the garbage out of our bin as bait today when I went fishing. I caught two catfish, three water-rats and a pikey.

Saw an Ad on a website saying “Shocking Hair Loss Trick” I thought- scissors?

I have not once predicted anything in my life and i never will.

My best friend just told me that I am always jealous. Wish I was able to notice things like that, lucky so-and-so.

I went to Kenya last year on a Land Rover safari. It was a complete waste of time, I didn’t see a single Land Rover.

After hours of rioting on the ground floor of my local shopping center, police have cut the power to the lifts and the electric stairs, to try and stop the violence from escalating.

As I came home from work today, I went into the bedroom finding my phone still on charge from where I had forgotten it this morning. Looking to see if I had any missed calls I saw two texts from my mrs. “hey babe, you have left your phone at home. How silly of you” […]

The doctor told my wife she was pregnant for the third time today. Not sure why, we heard him the first time.

On my last holiday, I took a guided tour of a spring factory. It was in the Dordogne.

I handed in my resignation today, and I can’t tell you how difficult it was. I’ve never had a job.

Remember, you are your own person, no-one should tell you what to do, you don’t need to listen to anyone but yourself. Of course, if you follow this advice then you’ve already failed.