Category: stupid

I heard a woman in Burger King saying to her son, “Always chew your food fifteen times.” What a ridiculous name for a child!

Just imagine the outrage if animals were forced to work. Cats could get 9 pensions, while dogs would get 7 holidays a year.

Those safety matches ain’t very safe at all. I threw a lit one at the curtains today and my house almost burnt down.

I feel sorry for the News of the World. If they hadn’t closed down, they’d be making a mint from this phone-tapping story.

I’m currently researching the problem solving capabilities of monkeys. However, if anything, I think they’ve just made the Middle East situation worse.

Surely the term ‘premature death’ is one of the most pointless ever made. Seeing as no one is going to want to die when they actually do, aren’t all death are therefore premature?

I don’t like feeling sorry for myself, but I think if you want something done right you have to do it yourself

**NEW FACEBOOK GAME** message me your bank account info along with your credit card numbers, 3 digit security code & expiration date and I’ll post in my status what I bought !!

My boss said to me this morning, “Why are you late?” I replied, “Sorry, I was dreaming I was at a football match and it went in to extra time, so I had to stay asleep to see who won.”

Is football racist? What a dumb question. Everyone knows a football can’t talk.

Earlier when I was sat eating a bowl of Coco-pops on the toilet, I couldn’t help but wonder; What goes on in that bowl?

Since I lost my job, the wife’s been on at me every day ..’You just sit there all day doing your boring stuff and all the time the garden just gets worse and worse’… Boy is she going to change her tune when we strike oil.

I was talking to my friend when I told him, “When I was born I was left on the doorstep of a little cottage with a note attached to me.” He said, “What did the note say?” “I don’t know.” I replied, “I was too young to read.”

there’s a blonde, a brunette and a ginger. they have been asked to swim the english channel. the ginger swims an eighth the way and swims back. the brunette swims a quarter the way and swims back. the blonde swam half the way and swam back.

I was the 6th horseman of the apocolypse, but I left before they became famous.