Category: stupid

Whoever said better late then never obviously never had Herpes….

Not only would the toilet not flush, but i am now banned from Ikea.

Why does dr pepper come in a bottle? Because he doesn’t have a girlfriend

When my Hindu neighbour told me he’d pray to his god for me to ease my bad back, I felt a shiva run up and down my spine.

I’m sick of kids stopping me and taking my milk money off me every morning. I’m getting a turbo engine installed in my float as soon as I can afford it.

What Americans call a zucchini the British call a courgette. Where Americans have jelly, Britain has jam, Where Britain has jelly, America has jell-O. But most interesting of all is that Americans have the egg-plant, where as in Britain we get ours from chickens.

I wheeled my 50’s jukebox into A&E. “Can I help?” enquired the receptionist. “Yeah, I think I’ve got a slipped disc.”

IKEA flatpack furniture should come with a recording of “Eye of the Tiger”, so you can build the whole thing in a five minute montage.

I’m in trouble with the RSPCA…turns out in reality, The Shredder beats The Turtles.

I’ve got a spring in my step. Don’t walk barefoot through the slinky factory.

My wife just said to me, “I was worried the mechanic was going to rip me off but it was okay, all I needed was indicator fluid.”

This year, I was determined to start the summer with a body I wouldn’t be ashamed of at the beach, so I lowered my standards.

I bought a DVD last night, it was so blurry I had to watch it with one eye closed… It must be a Pirate.

I fell out of bed this morning after the noise of birds suddenly woke me up. I really need to find a different tree to sleep in.

I gave an ant a 7UP bottle lid to use as a boat to sail across a puddle. It’s Cap-sized.