Category: stupid

So scientists have proved that more sleep leads to longer life. But you spend less time awake.

Am I just imagining it or are my hallucinations getting worse?

Do police briefings in the Amazon end with the warning, “Be careful, it’s a jungle out there”?

My mate’s a bit thick, he keeps making up words that already exist. One example, we were at the pub the other day and it was getting late so he says ‘I think I’m gonna call it a night.’ Er… Think it’s already called that mate.

Ive decided its time for a change in my life….. 9 days is enough for any underwear.

I’m hiding in my luggage… just in case…

I lost my Virginity the other day, and i rang around all my friends to tell them, and they all said i should ring the police! So i rang the police and told them, and they said i was wasting police time and could receive a fine! My missus said thats the last time she […]

I recently saw a friend of mine pour milk into a bowl and then add the cereal afterwards. Needless to say, we’re not friends anymore.

How do you make a tortoise fast? Don’t feed him.

I booked a normal everyday guy to walk around and talk to the kids for my son’s birthday party today. Working in a circus, he’s just so used to seeing me dressed as a clown all the time.

I was the victim of one of those honey traps. I was just about to collect it, when a gang of bees ambushed me.

I should have known the car following me as I sped down the motorway was going to stop me. It had ‘Police’ written all over it.

What’s brown and runs round your garden? A fence.

My mates thought it would be funny to get me hypnotised. Now every time I hear a bell, I lay down and go to sleep. I wouldn’t mind so much but it’s playing havoc with my boxing career.

I read somewhere that we only use 10% of our brains. I wonder what the other half is for?