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Category: stupid

I got a call earlier toda …

June 4qjoq.comLeave a Comment on I got a call earlier toda …

I got a call earlier today. The voice on the end sounded distorted. It said: “I want you to do a few things for me. I want you to go to your car, drive to the bank, take out the largest loan you can and your loved ones will be returned safe. I have people […]

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I really regret hiring th …

June 4qjoq.comLeave a Comment on I really regret hiring th …

I really regret hiring that Irish Hitman now. After paying him to take out the wife I’ve just found out they spent the evening at the cinema.

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My mate walked into the p …

June 3qjoq.comLeave a Comment on My mate walked into the p …

My mate walked into the pub, sat down and said, “Fancy buying me a pint”. I said, “I haven’t, that’s my pint”.

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I was asked to make a pow …

May 31qjoq.comLeave a Comment on I was asked to make a pow …

I was asked to make a powerpoint presentation for the other teachers in my school on how to look out for practical jokes. They all came into the main hall to watch it and I had them glued to their seats throughout the whole thing.

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I drove up to the counter …

May 31qjoq.comLeave a Comment on I drove up to the counter …

I drove up to the counter in McDonald’s and said, “Can I have a large Quarter Pounder meal please?” The man said, “Sir, you are meant to use the Drive Thru, and you will have to pay for the damage you caused.”

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My doctor just told me th …

May 31qjoq.comLeave a Comment on My doctor just told me th …

My doctor just told me that I have a problem with one of my lungs. I said, “What’s wrong with it?” He said, “It’s smoking.” I said, “Well, do you have any idea why it’s doing that?”

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My belt holds my trousers …

May 30qjoq.comLeave a Comment on My belt holds my trousers …

My belt holds my trousers up, but the belt loops hold my belt up. I don’t really know what’s happening down there. Who is the real hero?

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My grandad phoned me this …

May 29qjoq.comLeave a Comment on My grandad phoned me this …

My grandad phoned me this morning and said, “Can you pop around?” “Of course” I said. As I got to his to house, he opened the door and said, “I’m on my way out.” I said, “But you’ve just asked me to come around?” “Goodbye” he said, dropping to the floor.

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My wife decided to walk …

May 29qjoq.comLeave a Comment on My wife decided to walk …

My wife decided to walk out on me claiming she can no longer stand me living in a cartoon fantasy world. She didn’t get far. Thanks to the anvil I’d suspended above the garage door.

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This country is screwed, …

May 28qjoq.comLeave a Comment on This country is screwed, …

This country is screwed, the three L’s are in decline! Literacy and Numeracy!

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I can’t believe all these …

May 28qjoq.comLeave a Comment on I can’t believe all these …

I can’t believe all these people slagging off Florence and the Machine. He’s a great band.

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I failed my Air Force ent …

May 28qjoq.comLeave a Comment on I failed my Air Force ent …

I failed my Air Force entrance exam. “Determine the point of a missiles impact”. “To make it explode” is the wrong answer.

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Wandering into Tesco and …

May 27qjoq.comLeave a Comment on Wandering into Tesco and …

Wandering into Tesco and seeing Antony Worrall Thompson’s book on a shelf just gave me this urge to steal it. But it’s not as easy as you think hiding a shelf under your coat.

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I tell you what else make …

May 27qjoq.comLeave a Comment on I tell you what else make …

I tell you what else makes me jump. Skipping.

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All the lonely people, wh …

May 25qjoq.comLeave a Comment on All the lonely people, wh …

All the lonely people, where do they they all come from? Edinburgh

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