Category: stupid

I would have thought that Polish people would be a bit more shiny.

I’ve recently purchased some camoflauge pyjamas. Good luck trying to murder me in my sleep.

Me and the girlfriend put a DVD on the other night. The language choice menu appeared and I said it will probably sound funny in Flemish. She honestly replied; ‘Can we change it to Australian?’

My wife said to me “I think the cat wants to go out.” “How could you possibly know that?” I sneered “Hes put his hat and coat on”

As I entered a restaurant last night, the waiter took my coat and sat me down. He walked off, then came back a few minutes later and said, “What can I get for you?” I said, “My phone, my cigarettes and my wallet please.”

It seems odd to me that scientists are seemingly forever trying to crack the mysteries of the fourth dimension. I saw it all for myself at ‘Disney’s 4D Experience’.

I just bought something online that allows me to walk through walls. A rocket launcher.

I want to be buried in a spring loaded casket with loads of confetti when I die. That way, in the future, some archaeologist is going to have one awesome day at work.

BBC News: Texters encouraged to use their phones to report drink-drivers Three penalty points and a 60 fine later, I feel I have been betrayed.

I had a fight with my next door neighbour last night and it got seriously out of hand. I was drunk and I have no idea what come over me. But judging by the state of his new garden wall, it was definitely bricks.

Personally, I think the whole “mail order bride” thing’s a myth. You don’t get brown envelopes that big.

What they fail to mention is that the public transport to Mordor is actually pretty good.

I’m not using eBay anymore. I bought tape measure for 20p: it says ‘NEAR’ at one end and ‘FAR’ at the other.

I’ve confiscated my daughter’s ‘dot to dot’ book, because she wouldn’t let me have a go. I had to draw the line.

The headmaster has described him as “a bright young lad who had a lot of potential.” Do you think he meant Gravitational or Electrical?