Category: stupid

Don’t you hate it when somebody doesn’t thank you, so you say “YOUR WELCOME” really loud, …and then realise that’s grammatically incorrect?

My teacher told us to get into pairs for our cooking lesson I personally prefer to use apples,but whatever floats her boat.

Each morning, I wake up with a smile on my face. I sleep with a coat-hanger in my mouth.

I was in a restaurant with my mates and we ended up arguing over who was gonna pay the bill. The waiter came over and suggested we go Dutch, so I stuck on a pair of clogs, sparked up a joint and said “Waar zijn hier de bordelen?”

I’m keeping a few jokes about crash mats till later. I always like to have something to fall back on.

Fool kids that look like you by telling them your them from the future and just walking off

Just finished reading the fifth book in the “learning to count” trilogy.

I drew blood this morning. It was gonna be a rainbow but i only had a red pen.

I woke up an hour too early this morning and went to work. Completely missing the fact it’s Sunday.

Got kicked out of the bird enclosure in Bristol Zoo today. Ruffled a few feathers.

“Why do people say burnt ‘out’?” I said. “A building can’t be burnt ‘in’, so I don’t see the point in saying it really.” “I’ll ask you again,” the fireman said urgently. “In which room of the house is your wife trapped?”

I am now down to my second last Biro, my penultimate pen, ultimately.

I was on the subway, sitting on a newspaper, and a guy comes over and asks “Are you reading that?” I didnt know what to say. So I said yes. I stood up, turned the page, and sat down again.

I staggered in the pub near closing time with my 5 year old son in his pyjamas. “Another double whisky for me and a shandy for the lad” I asked. “Don’t you think you’re being a bit irresponsible?” said the barmaid. “I don’t know what you mean?” I replied. “One of us has got to […]

I was chatting with this extremely hot blonde girl in a bar, when out of nowhere she asked if I had a mobile phone. “Of course” I replied. “In which case, can I have your number?” she winked. “Sure” I said, “But you’ll only get annoying calls from my Mum”