Category: stupid

What do you call a child molester with lots of legs. A Centipaedo.

Why does the police force insist on hiring uneducated people?! I saw a policeman stood outside someone’s house the other day behind a line of yellow tape which clearly stated: “Police: Do Not Cross.”

“Ladies and gents.” That concludes our tour of the toilets.

People say there were signs of 9/11 before it even happened.. Yes a muslim on a plane.

Does the queen just show a penny for ID?

Paddy was with his solicitors and about to sign a multi-trillion pound deal. “You know fellas,” he said, “I’m self taught, never learnt to read or write and yet made me millions on me own. Now where do yas need me mark?” “But Paddy,” replied the clerk, “why have you put two crosses on the […]

I walked into a hotel and was greeted by an African receptionist. His badge said, Owemye Paluaggianu’ He looked at me and said, “Can I have your name please?” “No way” I said. “If you’re not happy then I suggest you change it by deed poll.”

Two stickers walk into a bar One says ‘well done!’ And the other one says ‘excellent!’

Facebook page: “If your makeup isn’t done your hair is a mess and your in your pjs and he still cant resist taking you into his arms, he’s a keeper.” I think it would save everyone time just asking him whether or not he’s a goalie.

My mind was blown when I aimed a gun at my head and pulled the trigger.

My first is in hill, but not in hole My next is in pill, but not in pole My next is in right, but not in wrong my fourth is in sing, but not in song My fifth is in open, but not in door My sixth is in ceiling, but not in floor My […]

I’ve just put a castle in my goldfish bowl. The moat seems to be overflowing.

I was fed up of everything the other day, so I showed my girlfriend the door. She said, “With a couple of extra bevels and a good polishing of the handle, that could be the best looking one on the street”.

I was driving down the road this morning and I could see a few cars ahead that had come to a stop. As I got closer I could see that everybody had got out of their cars and were standing in the road chatting & sharing a flask. I thought to myself, “How strange”, but […]

A few of the most dangerous things on this planet: – A black widow spider – A great white shark – A grizzly bear – A slippery plastic A4 cover lying on the floor