Category: shopping

When out shopping one day my wife exclaimed ‘Homebase really is my home away from home!’ They do some nice kitchens after all.

I took a dodgy shredder back to the shop today and asked for a refund. “Have you got the receipt for it?” They asked. I said “Yes, Have you got any Sellotape?”

Just got my Jewish mate some cologne for his birthday. HoLacoste.

They say ‘never forget your roots’ I guess its no surprise then, that Al Fayeds shop Harrods is on a corner.

I had a job in a supermarket once, handing out samples for people to try. I got asked to leave though, after the “little cups of bleach” incident.

A man walks into a pet shop. “I’ll have a bee, please,” asks the man, to which the owner of the shop replies, “Sorry, we don’t sell bees.” The man replies, “Well, you’ve got one in your window.”

The ministry of defence have just announced their new supplier of body armour for the frontline troops will be TK Maxx

I wonder if the owner of DFS has thought about making a bit of extra cash by charging full price every once in a while?

My local Tesco has got a great offer on at the moment. It’s selling a variety of different trolleys for a pound each – you just put a coin in a slot near the handle and wheel them away.

Just read a woman’s open letter to her car thief in the Metro, I hate to break it to you love, but if he’s got your car, he’s probably not reading a newspaper you get on the bus.

I saw a bus the other day with an advert on the side for Asda saying: “There’s no place like Asda”. Now I’m not sure about you, but I think Morrisons, Tesco and Sainsbury’s are pretty similar to Asda.

I just walked past a Tesco’s store with a sign in the window.. “No Food, No Drink, No Cigs, in this store” Worst. Tesco. Ever.

I’m very disappointed with Marks and Spencer. I didn’t see any black women in underwear for sale in any of their departments.

I used to work in an art supply store. We sold artists’ canvas by the yard, and you could get it in either of two widths: 36 inches or 48 inches. Customer: “Can you please cut some canvas for me?” Me: “Certainly, what width?” Customer: (confused and slightly annoyed) “Uh, Scissors?”

The easiest way to find something lost around the house, is to buy a replacement.