Category: school

I used to hate maths but then I realised decimals have a point.

For those taking their exams, remember what OCR really stands for… Observe Copy Repeat.

My school is putting on a play to show people how in danger African children are. We don’t get pre-show snacks.

“I graduated from Cambridge wath a masters degree in arts…………..would you like fries with that sir?”

I was called into my son’s school by his headmaster. He said, “I’m afraid to say, Mr Jones, it’s clear to see that you completed Oscar’s Geography coursework for him.” “Oh dear,” I replied. “What gave it away? Is it because it’s of a higher standardthan his usual work?” “Not really,” said the headmaster. “It’s […]

I’ve just failed my end of term art exam… Q, If Jamal has blue paint and mixes it with your yellow paint, what does he get? Apparently ‘A punch’ is not the correct answer.

If there’s one thing I definitely get from exams it’s a new pen.

I used to think symmetry was really hard at school. On reflection, it was easy.

I like my girls how I like my colours. Primary.

I remember all the baking I did in home economics in school. The teachers couldn’t see round the back of that building.

The real reason to come to school in summer; Not for the end of year exams, different sports, or even socialising with friends. Just the constant erections upon seeing bra after bra through girls shirts.

Sitting in my exam, the question read; In your own words describe the events leading up to the battle of little big horn. I wrote, Huber tan bod shabby shab. A Ropy pop Zin. A boo boo ah boo boo.

None of my mate’s understand Venn diagrams, but my girlfriend and all her mate’s do. We move in very different circles.

“But professor,” she said, “I still don’t understand. Why are you giving me free tuition?” “Well,” I replied, “I see a lot of myself in you.” “Really? How much?” “About six inches, but I haven’t decided where to put it yet.”

I was doing a talk at my local University earlier, addressing the ‘people of the future’…. I really hope we have a plan B…