Category: sayings

“Have it your way” is the Burger King slogan, Apparently doggy style with the lady on checkout was the wrong interpretation of this.

I saw a bloke being completely henpecked by his girlfriend on The Jeremy Kyle Show. You could really see who wears the tracksuit bottoms in their relationship.

I keep chickens in my back garden and I noticed they were looking a bit dirty so I got the hose out and gave them a rinse off. It certainly ruffled a few feathers.

I hear the secret to a good joke is perfect timing. 00:09

Failed English? That’ll learn ya

Confucius say he who seeks a good sandwich should date a girl from subways.

“the worst way to stop a bullet is with your head” -Abraham Lincon

My neighbour thinks he’s so great, I decided to demolish his washing line. That knocked him down a peg or two.

The Curiosity Rover has just found a toilet with the seat up, proving once and for all that men ARE actually from Mars.

Whoever says that its not the winning its the taking part that counts has obviously never played russian roulette.

Whoever said “nothing lasts forever” obviously hasn’t tried masturbating over Susan Boyle!

As I lay there in intensive care, I realised ‘the bigger they are, the harder they fall’ was a little wide of the mark, and ‘the bigger they are, the harder they punch’ is a far more accurate idiom.

Next time you see a pretty girl late at night and you don’t know whether to approach them or not – why not take a stab in the dark? They struggle less when they’re wounded!

I’ve had it with speed limits. I’m putting my foot down.

I always dress to the right. Bovver boots and a swastika armband.