Category: sayings

I live in my own little world, but it’s ok, they know me here.

It’s not who you know, …it’s whom you know.

Why do they say ‘Amen’ at the end of a prayer instead of ‘Awomen’? The same reason they sing Hymns instead of Hers.

Why don’t girls take me seriously? Looks like I have a spare ticket to the gun show.

I’ve been promising my bosses at top shop a new range of leg garments that would turn over millions, but after failing to finish the product in the 2 month deadline set, they finally fired me, guess I was all talk, no trousers.

For months and months I had to put up with the constant sound of my Siamese twin nagging me to give my consent to an operation to separate us. In the end I agreed to it just to get him off my back.

A fella came to the bar and said,” I fancy a large gin and Schweppes, but I don’t want to get drunk.” I said, ” I’ve got just the tonic.”

They say that behind every successful man there’s a women. As Britain’s most successful rapist, I have to agree.

I was telling my friend yesterday how I found Mt. Everest in my back garden. He thinks im making a mountain out of a mole hill.

Isn’t it funny… No matter where you stand in the road, you will always be referred to as “In the middle”

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Don’t teach a man to fish, and you feed yourself. He’s a grown man. Fishing’s not that hard.

I come from the school of hard knocks. Why they had a ten inch thick oak door is beyond me.

Never tell a woman that she is over-reacting….. She’ll only over-react

Revenge is a dish best served… with unmitigated violence.

The “I before E except after C” rule doesn’t apply to the word efficiency, which isn’t a very efficient rule.