Category: sarcasm

I said to girlfriend, “Everybody thinks I’m too sarcastic.” She said, “What makes you say that?” I said, “My mouth.”

I noticed in the song, “Do They Know It’s Christmas?” there’s a line that says, ‘and there won’t be snow in Africa this Christmas time’. Well, I’m no weather forecaster but I don’t know many areas in the Southern Hemisphere that are going to get a lot of snow at all during their summer.

Why did the chicken cross the road? To avoid the oncoming woman driver.

Trying to find a virgin is like looking for a white g string

“Secret Services should be less secret” says some government bod. We’re hardly going to scare terrorists off with “Slightly Vague Services” though.

Is there anyone called Phillip here? I found your screwdriver.

Astrology: because millions of planets and stars have spent billions of years lining themselves up just to let her know that she’ll “meet someone with nice eyes today.”

My wife said, “That’s the last time you’ll ever call me fat as I’m walking out on you next time.” I replied, “Darling, you wouldn’t really walk out on our kids.” “What kids?” she asked. “Oh, I thought you were…

Does anyone actually ever use a Tape Measure to measure tape?

BBC News: Wear something visible at night. Ah man! I was gonna wear my invisibility cloak.

Just so the Americans on the site are not so dejected .. you can read the New York Times headline of tomorrow here and now … ‘America draws with Ghana 1-2’

Everyone’s complaining about ‘SOPA’, so I tried going on Wikipedia to find out what it is.

The cashier at Costco pointed at my zit and said that “proactive worked for her.” I replied that “college worked for me.”

I was at a nightclub and standing by the door. The Bouncer came over and said, “You have to move you’re blocking the fire exit,” As though if there was a fire I wasn’t going to run.

Microsoft have announced they are releasing a ‘social phone.’ Excellent news; I’ve been waiting for one I can speak to people on.