Category: puns

My girlfriend left me because I make too many bad puns and too much Indian food. I guess I goat curry’d away…

When asked about Scott Dann’s groin injury, Steve Kean refused to talk about the sack.

just won silver in the tradesman’s olympic 100 metre final , i was neck an neck with the local shoe polisher up til halfway , but he managed to show me a clean pair of heels.

Spent the morning painting my nails. Now my hammer is jealous.

I used to have a job operating an elevator. It had its ups and downs…

Just caught my wife playing blackjack with another bloke. Well two can play at that game.

A woman and her two children were brutally murdered and decapitated at their London home yesterday. Police are hunting the killer. A neighbour said “I heard screams and called the police. It was horrible.” There has been a public outcry of support for those closest to the deceased. The family have been described as “in […]

Single white mail seeking stamp for long term relationship.

turns out my statistics teacher has the same birthday as me……….. what are the odds?

I was turned down flat today , when trying to get my book published. I’ll bet if was a famous author, it would have been a different story.

My brother just left to do his second tour of Iraq, so i bought him a comb as a parting gift.

DFS Sale: ‘Don’t Pay Any Interest’. Ok then I won’t, when I need a new sofa I’ll just walk past without looking.

People tell me it’s hard thinking of jokes off the top of your head. Not for me I’m ginger.

I’ve noticed one side of my house is warmer than the other. It’s much colder on the outside.

Whenever I’m down in the dumps, I get myself a new hat. They smell a bit but at least they’re free.