I went to court on suspic …
I went to court on suspicion of arson. They asked me quick fire questions
Continue ReadingI went to court on suspicion of arson. They asked me quick fire questions
Continue ReadingMy son’s become a professional DJ as of late. He’s doing really well for himself, I’m just not sure about the kind of people he mixes with these days.
Continue ReadingI once knew a guy with Alzheimer’s who got himself arrested intentionally. He didn’t know what he was in for.
Continue ReadingWhen I was little I had imaginary friends and I used to play with them all the time. They were real people, i just imagined they were my friends.
Continue ReadingWhat do bees do when they move into a new hive? Have a house swarming party.
Continue Reading“Hey man, did you see that wild pig?!” “Nah I was having a slash in the bushes.” “Oh, well don’t worry too much… it was a bore.”
Continue ReadingEvents in the last couple of days have been very damaging to boxing. Britain’s last cardboard factory has gone bust.
Continue Readingmy entire computer has just been wiped :O it hasn’t looked this clean in years
Continue ReadingI saw this really fit girl in the nightclub last night and she was wearing a chessboard patterned shirt….. So, I made a move on her.
Continue ReadingI recently carried out an armed robbery at my local post office and got away with a substantial amount of cash. Unfortunately I left behind a handfull of 2p and 1p pieces which had traces of my DNA on. I got caught by the coppers.
Continue ReadingI try and live my life by three simple motto’s: 1) ‘You only live once” 2) “Better safe than sorry” 3) “Never contradict yourself”
Continue ReadingI slept like a dog last night. Rough.
Continue ReadingMy mate recently bought a really expensive monocle. It’s quite a spectacle.
Continue ReadingTottenham fans are known as the yids because of their Jewish supporters Sky sports news: anyone caught saying the word yid at any football game will get a lifetime ban How yidiotic
Continue ReadingI got fired from my job as a prostate examiner today… Apparently shouting “Look, no hands!” is inapropriate.
Continue Reading