Category: puns

I support local builders. I guess many would say that becoming a human ladder was an unusual career choice.

I had an argument with my Wife in a sauna the other day. It was very heated.

Going into a restaurant dressed as a lobster can land you in hot water.

So I told my mum that I’d opened a theatre. She said, “Are you having me on?” I said, “Well I’ll give you an audition, but I’m not promising you anything.”

The worse thing I ever had to do as a doctor was tell Billy Ray Cyrus he needed heart surgery.

In a strange car accident yesterday I killed several Native American Indians, I lost control of my car on the A1 and ploughed straight through the central reservation…

BBC News: Inmates could get phones in cells Isn’t that why they call them cell phones?

I had one of those heart stopping moments today. It was cardiopulmonary arrest.

I had my 10th anniversary at work today, I breed horses. It’s a very stable job.

I used to have a job making furniture out of plants. I’ll tell you, it was no bed of roses.

Why cant the human race think sitting down ? It stands to reason.

My son was complaining because his new coat wasn’t keeping him warm. I told him to zip it.

Afghan girl killed by falling propaganda leaflets. That’s what I call a letter bomb!

“I’m just going shopping, do you need anything?” asked the wife. “Just some toilet rolls love”. “What kind? Andrex, Charmin, Tesco’s own brand?” “The bog standard” I replied

For her birthday I took my lesbian friend to a lapdancing club, where I paid for 20 female dancers to rub their privates all over her body. She was well chuffed.