Category: puns

It’s a dangerous job making TV’s. There’s a very high-def rate.

BBC NEWS – Damages for boy after eye removed. But unfortunately, he’ll only ever see half the money.

It was a risk hanging my washing out to dry when the forecast was rain. I put it all on the line.

I was at the market the other day in my nice new striped sweater, but I got lost in a crowd of people. I looked like a Wally.

I like my women like I like my shampoo Nice ‘n’ Easy

I was feeling miserable at work when my secretary gave me a lamp. Certainly brightened up my day.

My favourite artist is Whitney Houston You’ve probably never heard of her She’s kind of Underground…

My wife bought me a new camouflage jacket and asked me to try it on. ‘It’s a bit too army’ I told her ‘But I thought you love the Army?’ She replied ‘I do love the Army’ I said, ‘I meant the sleeves are too long’.

Puns are the lowest form of Hugh Moore. …whoever he is.

My wife said that she would like to try swinging for a night. She’s only been up there for a few hours and she’s already gone limp.

I threw my fizzy drink in my mate’s face the other day. He got really angry. I told him to calm down, it was only a bit of Fanter.

I never jump on bandwagons. I climb the steps carefully so as not to damage my trombone.

I’m having the best holiday ever in Ireland. I’m walking on Eire.

I needed a new computer part but the only place that stocked it was on the other side of the country, so I had to go 300 miles in my Dodge RAM. It was a hard drive.

Identical Twins. They’re all the same.