Category: puns

For a plumber, a flush beats a full house.

Due to falling profits the company Fairy has gone into Liquidation.

What’s Enya’s favourite Guinness Premiership fixture? Sale away.

I struggle to remember the meaning of interrogation. It’s torture.

Kids these days don’t know they’re born. Seriously. We keep my brother in a large, moist sack and feed him through a tube.

Its The Last Time I Fly With B.A Took Me Forever To Get Him On The Plane

When I was a kid my mum and dad abandoned me in the coat section of JD Sports and left me there to fend for myself. I grew up in the hoods.

I was reading an article the other day that was about a bloke who had his artificial legs stolen along with his car. He was gutted because now he wouldn’t be able to walk his sister down the aisle. I wouldn’t be too worried, everyone ends up legless at a wedding

I was trying to withdraw some money from a cash point, but the machine kept saying “not valid”. I looked at my card and thought, “This is unacceptable”

I used to think that my girlfriend was a rational woman, but since she insisted on fitting UV bulbs in every room in the house, I’ve seen her in a whole new light.

If the pun is the flagship of English humour, then innuendo is the seamen all over it.

I was in the boxing ring and I was doing very bad. The referee came up to me and said, “Are you ready for your next match?” I replied, “Just a bout.”

Yesterday I had to leave the bookies in my local town after a group of mental patients walked in. I just didn’t like the odds.

My Native American mate is struggling to grow proper facial hair. He has Apache beard.

There’s too many fat birds where I live… I’m moving to Finland!