Category: puns

I keep having a hallucination where I’m in a descending lift with a strange object…I think I’m coming down with something.

I went to Amsterdam last weekend for a bit of “window shopping.” I came home shattered.

Just downloaded a platform game for my phone. Nothing happens for 3 hours then a Virgin express flies past at 90mph.

Shoot a woman on your first date and you’ll get 20 years Marry her and you’ll serve life

I feel bad for my maths teacher as he got in a fight last night at a pub. It’s a sin cos he got tanned.

I went to a fancy dress pool party last night. There was a large cue outside.

I was absolutely hopeless at geometry when I went to school.I just felt as though I was going round in circles.

I was waiting for a bus the other day, when it hit me: I probably should’ve been standing at the bus stop, not in the middle of the road.

Try saying the word ‘Maltesers’ with one in your mouth…. It just rolls off your tongue.

Abu Hamza keeps dropping his Nokia… His phone’s always off the hook!

Really sad about my dalmatian dying, oh well, at least the house is spotless now.

I remember the good old days when I used to sit and reminisce

“This is my step-dad” “It’s nice son, but why on earth did you build one?”

I had to choose what to play my guitar with the other night. I took my pick.

My car just broke down. I told it not to get too emotional.