Category: puns

My mate told me a joke about a TV controller. It wasn’t remotely funny.

You should never throw wooden shoes down the toilet. You’ll clog the system.

I find that shooting stars are very pointless. The bullet will never reach it.

The police have caught a serial rapist with a really bad stammer… they said it’ll be a while before he finishes his sentence.

Its not easy working as a prison officer when you have a nut allergy.

What’s black and deformed? My F5 key.

Did you hear about the poor testicular surgeon? He got the sack.

I hate writing essays about glue. I always get stuck.

Taking everything into account, my bank is pretty full.

I was out at the pub quiz with my nieces and nephews the other night, and the final round was all about Matt Damon films. We got absolutely trounced. Kids today don’t know their Bourne.

I was walking through a beautiful rainforest, filled with animal life and happiness, when I saw two cubic objects which are used for generating numbers. It was a paradise.

I am permanently hooked up to a device which gives me an electric shock if I say something negative. It’s not ideal, but I can’t complain

What do you call an up-to-date raisin? Currant.

I would make a demoralising, patronising joke about your height, but I’m bigger than that.

My mate pointed to a girl in the park and said ”Would you tap that?” ”No.” I said. ”I would whack it and unwrap it.”