Category: puns

My friend tried to explain to me what ‘aposeopesis’ is, but unfortunately he…

The other day I was trying to make a noise with two of my fingers and my thumb, and no matter how much I practiced nothing seemed to work… Then it clicked

Everyone says that i dont understand what puns are. If you’ll pardon the pun

I will be the envy of every man on Sickipedia. I have been invited to a naked wedding, And I came within an inch of being best man.

Don’t believe what you hear about fleas and ticks. It’s all lice.

i used to fill a bin with water, sugar, hops and malt and leave it under the stairs for a while but i stopped doing it …………….in the end it just made me bitter

-1 squared. Keepin’ it real.

I killed a bird with a small axe and then found an egg. I decided to hatchet

I just shaved off my beard that I’ve being growing for 3 years now, and I feel like a 12 year old boy. Anyone know where I can find one?

Mirror inspecting is a job I can really see myself doing.

My mate was crying because he spilled his beer I told him to suck it up

My wife broke down again in the car today. I must remember not to whistle at teenage girls when she’s sitting in there next to me.

A farmer turned to me and strangely yelled “screw you” I replied “It’s not a ewe, its a ram”

I’ve just directed an Oscar-winning film about a fruit owned by royalty. I’m calling it ‘The King’s Peach’

During the day I’m a yacht handyman, by night I cheat at poker. I’m always fixing the deck, me.