Category: puns

Apparently most people lean slightly forward when they nod their head. I must say I’m inclined to agree.

I was burning dolls earlier. It was a Barbiecue.

The first rule of blood group club is B positive.

What do you call a fluorescent Mexican? A dayglo.

So my girlfriend just dumped me because I don’t like Italian food. I really thought we could just move pasta thing like that.

Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says “I’ve lost my electron.” The other says “Are you sure?” The first replies “Yes, I’m positive.”

A fisherman was trying to learn the alphabet. He got lost at C.

Modesty is a very attractive quality. One that I don’t need.

I like my women how I like my umbrellas. Thrown in the cellar, saved for a rainy day.

I got thrown out of Chester Zoo for making a parrot laugh today. It’s polly tickle correctness gone mad.

I think there might be some sort of wild paedophile down at the playground. My kids are always coming home hot and sweaty saying how much fun they had playing on this ‘Jungle Jim’ guy.

I tried to cover the kitchen floor using a minimal number of slates… but it was a futile effort.

My manager decided to quit his job as he had better things coming his way. When questioned about this idea, he exclaimed “I’ve found a gap in the market. I’m going to make a watch, on a belt!” What a waist of time!

Do gun manuals have a “trouble shooting?” section?

Last week I was checked into hospital and was eating some of their disgusting food. “Nurse!” I yelled, “These vegetables taste awful!” I’m never allowed near the coma patients again.